"There are many aspects to success; material wealth is only one component. ...But success also includes good health, energy and enthusiasm for life, fulfilling relationships, creative freedom, emotional and psychological stability, a sense of well-being, and peace of mind." ~Deepak Chopra
 
Since an early age, society has defined success to me as getting good grades, making the honor roll, being in the top 10% of the class and going to college.  Then when I entered the workforce, success was about making money, excellent evaluations and promotions. But with age and a meditation practice, I view success differently now. 
 
I view success as being happy with who I am and living in the present moment.  I am grateful for all that I have and it is enough.  A daily meditation practice has helped me to live from a place of peace, follow my dharma and express gratitude.  Meditation has lowered my blood pressure and provided more stability in my life especially when challenges occur.  I am much less reactive and my stress levels are lower. I appreciate my body even with its aches, pains and problems.  When my arthritic knee acts up, I send it love and healing energy.  I know that I am part of the healing process in my own body.
 
Success also includes fulfilling relationships and I am blessed to have many close friends.  I spend time and energy cultivating relationships that further my spiritual and creative being.  In addition to spending time with friends, I also spend time in silence connecting with my inner self.  From this place of emotional and psychological stability I have more to offer my friends and family. I love life.  I know I am more than my grades, accomplishments and the things I own.  I am blessed to be successful in a myriad of realms.
 
How do you view success?
 
How can you foster more success in your life?

"Your living is determined not so much by what life brings to you as by the attitude you bring to life; not so much by what happens to you as by the way your mind looks at what happens." ~ Khalil Gibran

One of my meditation mentors, davidji, shares that we get to choose whether something that happens is a miracle or a grievance.  I love this philosophy and it has really changed my approach to life.   It is all about the attitude that I bring to my life.  Things are going to happen and I get to choose whether I view each situation as a miracle or a grievance. There is a great Taoist fable that exemplifies this philosophy.
 
There was a farmer who had one horse. One day, his horse ran away.
His neighbors said, “We are so sorry. This is such bad news. You must be so upset.”
The man said, “We'll see.”
 
A few days later, his horse came back with twenty wild horses. The man and his son rounded up the horses.  His neighbors said, “Congratulations! This is such good news. You must be so happy!”
The man said, “We'll see.”
 
One of the wild horses bucked the man's only son off and he broke his legs.
His neighbors said, “We are so sorry. This is such bad news. You must be so upset.”
The man said, “We'll see.”
 
The country went to war, and every able-bodied young man was drafted to fight. The war was terrible and killed every young man, but the farmer's son was spared, since his broken legs prevented him from being drafted. His neighbors said, “Congratulations! This is such good news. You must be so happy!”
The man said, “We'll see.”
 
We have all had things happen in our life similar to the farmer.  We label things as good or bad, but in reality they are just things that happened to us and we get to choose our attitude and how we react.  We are not in control of life, but we are in control of how we react.  This summer, my roof blew off, my bathroom flooded, my hard drive crashed, my car stopped running while I was driving it and I needed to have a root canal redone.  I chose to be like the farmer and see what happens.  I chose to have an attitude of acceptance and dealt with each situation as it occurred.  Then the monsoon rains came and my new roof kept the rain out, the bathroom flood brought new tile throughout the house and fresh painted walls, I have a new hard drive on my computer and I can keep on creating blogs, my car got serviced and it runs great and it no longer hurts when I eat food. In the past if this many things would have happened to me at once, I would have probably taken the “poor me” approach, but in reality each of these things brought something better into my life including reinforcing the importance of going with the flow and choosing my attitude. Each of these challenges presented me with the opportunity to choose miracle or grievance and looking back now, I know that my life is a miracle.
 
When challenges happen in your life, do you view them as good or bad or practice acceptance?
 
Do you choose your attitude when something you label as bad occurs?
 
Has something in your life that you originally labeled as a grievance turned out to be a miracle?

“Is it true; is it kind, or is it necessary?” ~Socrates
 
It has been more than a year since I attended a silent retreat.  I loved the week in silence and I realized how much talk is unnecessary.  But, when I returned to the real world that talks incessantly, I fell victim to jumping in to conversations and adding things.  I have noticed that when I am aware and focusing on being a good listener, that I say a lot less.
 
I am fortunate to have an amazing group of seven women friends from elementary school and high school.  We all now live in different cities and states, but for the last 16 years we have been getting together once a year in different places.  Each year we are so excited to see each other and  hear about everything that everyone is doing that conversations become fast and furious.  Last weekend when were together, we were having a lively conversation and one friend pointed out that she was unable to finish a story because we kept interrupting her with questions and comments. And she was right.  We weren’t being good listeners, we kept taking the conversations off on different tangents and the person talking was not able to share the complete story.
 
At that point, I remembered the lesson that I learned from the silent retreat about being mindful in conversations.  Before I speak, I will remember to ask myself these questions:

• Is it true?
• Is it kind?
• Is it necessary?

 
In most cases, what I am going to say is true and kind, but is not necessary. I realized that I need to be more present in conversations and truly listen to what the other person is saying and not let my mind wander to what I want to say or jump in with questions. This was another reminder that silence is golden and I need to be present in conversations and listen more than I speak.
 
Are you conscious during conversations or is your mind wandering to what you want to say or ask?
 
Try implementing asking your self  “Is it true; is it kind, or is it necessary?” when you are involved in conversations.  What happens?

“I decide that if it is so hard to own up to my own accomplishments, to take a compliment, to not duck my head and choose Door Number Two, then I’m going to say YES to accepting any and all acknowledgments of personal fabulous awesomeness with a clear, calm “Thank you” and a confident smile and nothing more.”  ~Shonda Rhimes

I am currently listening to Shonda Rhimes book Year of Yes: How to Dance It Out, Stand In the Sun and Be Your Own Person and I can relate to many things.  Shonda owns Thursday night television with her shows Grey’s Anatomy, Private Practice, Scandal and How to Get Away with Murder and yet she reveals that she had a hard time accepting compliments.  In the book, she shares that powerful woman duck their heads, laugh, or dismiss compliments about their success and talents.  Women don’t want to come off as cocky or arrogant. And I realized that this true for me.  I remember the school counselor where I worked, once told me, as an adult, that I needed to learn to accept compliments – I would laugh them off or dismiss whatever they said as no big deal.  The counselor told me to learn to just say thank you. She told me to stop at thank you and be gracious and especially not to add any qualifiers that minimized the compliment - I was really good at adding those minimizing comments. Shonda's advice  is  very similar, she  shares that when you are given a compliment you should just say thank you, smile and  shut up.  I have made progress in accepting compliments, but this book made me realize that I still have a ways to go.
 
I just watched a little video that my husband shot when I recently won second place at an art show.  And do you know what I saw? I saw exactly what Shonda Rhimes said women do – I ducked my head as I was called up to receive the award, and I didn’t duck it once, but 3 times. For years, I have worked on my low self-esteem and I know that part of the reason I have a hard time accepting compliments is that the compliment contradicts the negative self-image I have of myself.  I now understand that I am good enough and am deserving of compliments as I really do work very hard and I have accomplished a lot in my life. I thought I had come further in developing my confidence and self-image, but this video made me aware that there is still work to be done. 
 
I know that I am not alone in having difficulty accepting compliments and if people like Shonda Rhimes have trouble there are a lot of us who need work.  Artwork is subjective.  The piece that won 2nd place at this show was rejected from another show just a month ago, so it was easy for me to dismiss the compliments about my work.  Plus, there were so many other talented artists and works displayed at this exhibit that I felt fortunate to have been selected.  I know I need to be more gracious and humble when being given a compliment and to really hear what is being said and let it soak into my being. Even putting the picture of me with the 2nd place award on this page is difficult.  But, I want to be like Shonda and say yes to life  and do the hard things in life that scare me and accept the compliment from this award with confidence. I want to learn to express Shonda’s clear, calm and confident thank you when someone compliments me – I am a work in progress. How about you?
 
Do you have trouble accepting compliments?  Why or Why not?

Shonda shares that accepting compliments is more difficult for women.  Do you agree and why do you think women have more trouble accepting compliments?